The 4^th of July holiday is upon us, and that means fireworks. I’m not talking about the kind you see when you gaze into your true love’s baby blues. It’s the kind where groups of people utter “ooh” and “aah” in unison as if they’ve been practicing for weeks.

Peppered throughout the community you’ll also find some homegrown fireworks. These range anywhere from the wise guys whose specialty is jolting every neighbor on the block out of their recliners with the lighting of an M-80, to the brace-face kids down the street shooting bottle rockets in one other’s general direction. Brilliant. We have a couple neighbors who try their hand at the big stuff, and one of them was actually quite impressive last year. Scared my poor boy out of a sound sleep, but he warmed up to whole idea when he saw the cool colors exploding out his bedroom window. Sure, they shot down the neighbor kid’s kite in mid-air and some flew dangerously close to the trees, but they did look pretty cool.

I’ve always been a big fan of fireworks. Nothing like grabbing a blanket and chair and heading out to relax with friends while you watch sparkly, crackling (my fave!) fireworks light up the night sky. Wanna know where to look for some great firework displays this weekend? The Drive has that covered for you. Ever wonder how they work? Click here!

Everyone is looking for ways to conserve as we steadily pay more for the things we once took for granted. The Royal family is even finding it difficult in these times. Prices there have also gone up on gas, food, electricity, and so many other essentials. Of course, with their life of extravagance, cutting back would most likely amount to the equivalent of our living the high life.

The Queen may have to make do without her chartered plane to attend The Kentucky Derby and park her royal bumcakes in coach with the rest of us. They really do have some financial concerns at Buckingham Palace, though, as they find so many of their exquisite buildings in disrepair. Their pleas for money have fallen on deaf ears, though, since so much funding has been put toward the Olympic games. So, the queen has taken it upon herself to cut energy costs by turning off lights in unoccupied rooms. Seems reasonable enough. I’m picturing her cruising the halls on a Segway, royal bathrobe sailing behind her, as she checks all the switches in every corridor. I guess she’s a gaming freak—fell in love with Prince William’s Wii and has a ball bowling. She’s probably sitting in the dark right now going for a spare.

Used to be the big deal with teens was what they wore or did with their hair. I enjoyed streaks of black, bright blue and pink in my coif, and I’d top off the look with a military jacket. Nothing too wild. Some teens would come home with piercings or tattoos. Today’s piercings have become a bit more dramatic, but in the grand scheme of things, it isn’t that big of a deal. But babies?! That’s not only over the line—it’s just plain stupid. The teen girls in Gloucester, Mass., who supposedly made a pact to become pregnant so they could raise their babies together is out of control. Clearly the self-centered little darlings have no idea what they’re in for.

Seems like they could have done better things to fill whatever void they have in their lives, like community service or volunteering to help neighbors. Instead, they’re going to be saddled with adult responsibilities while they’re still kids. Some of them were reported to be high-fiving over the positive pregnancy tests and even getting giddy about baby showers. Nice. Mom and dad will undoubtedly end up picking up the tab for everything. And being full-time babysitters to boot.

If only NBC had aired their new show, Baby Borrowers, a few months ago so they would have seen a snippet of their futures. Love the scene in the clip where the elderly people come trucking down the street (the guy on the recumbent bike slays me) looking to these teens to be their caretakers. They’re all in for quite a ride. Too bad those dingy teens in Massachusetts didn’t see that before they took part in their ridiculous pact. Rant over.

I’ve always been a fan of cool gadgets. Hasn’t everyone wanted to be able to talk into her wristwatch to share a funny thought with a friend or see streaming video on it? Good news for us gadget junkies—some of the cool tools they had in Get Smart years ago are commonplace to us today. Shoe phone? Kinda resembles today’s cell phone, minus the whole footwear thing. It’s also a lot more convenient to be able to pull it out of a pocket or purse (instead of off your foot) and chat or snap pictures and video whenever you want. Some of those cool gadgets in the new Get Smart movie are not too far fetched either. Some are actual products!

How many times have you been in the position where you needed to make a personal phone call from your cubicle at work, and you felt like the only means for privacy was crawling halfway under your desk, ducking your head into your waste basket, and whispering into the receiver? Well, get smart and buy yourself a Babble. You can chat away to your gyno or procto with full confidence that your cube neighbors can’t understand a word you’re saying. Heck, talk about your cube neighbors’ circa 1984 aquamarine jeans and blue Reebok sneakers while you’re at it! They’ll be none the wiser. Of course, in some cases, perhaps a fashion hint would be a good idea…

I used to love watching Alias, and one of my favorite tools they used was the virtually invisible earpiece they would wear to communicate with one another. Sometimes they would talk into their sleeve, which was an added measure of coolness.  The two-way tooth radio would be a really hip, high-tech way to talk to someone, but what if you’re chewing gum or enjoying a nice, crisp apple while you’re talking? Imagine how your chewing would sound from inside your mouth! You could play some pretty good games of “guess what I’m eating,” but it would be a pricey venture.

The Zippo Lighter Digital Camera would come in handy at a DMB concert. While raising your lighter to display your appreciation for the encore, you can actually be snapping pix of the band or any hotties in your general vicinity. I could also fulfill that “eyes in the back of my head” dream with a pair of rearview mirror spy glasses. Keep the kids wondering.

Spy stuff is cool. Also a bit too pricey for most of us regular schmucks, but it’s always nice to browse. I’ll settle for watching the pros use them on the big screen, like Bond or Bourne… or even Maxwell Smart.